About a month ago Lloyd came to live with us. A week later and 90% of the department I work in was laid off. A week after that I found out (accidentally) that when I returned I, too, would be laid off. Today I returned and after over 15 years with the company I saw my last day come and go... Which begs the question, what's next??
It's an interesting question. The knee jerk reaction is to get a job doing anything as quickly as I can... But if I take a moment to think about it if there was ever a chance to do something new, this would be it! There are so many things to consider! What would I want to do? Is it something i can do or do i need to go back to school? Will it pay the bills? Does it provide insurance? Is there a future in it?
I do love developing software but the software I've been working on hasn't exactly been rewarding... I've thought about switching over to app development as that would be fun, but the time to bring something to market and earn enough to be sustainable makes this a high risk venture! 10 years ago I thought about going into teaching and even school counseling, but the drop in pay scares me and I don't know if this is still something I want to pursue... Plus it would mean getting a Masters degree if I go into counseling...
For now I sit here pondering where do I want to be five or ten years from now and trying to figure out the best way to make it happen without worrying too much (yet) about the immediate future...
Can you believe it has been 8 years since Christian's adoption was finalized (January 9, 2008). He came to live with me on June 6, 2007 and life has never been the same since that day! While there are certainly challenges... Lots of them! I love being a dad. Through thick and thin, being a dad gives life purpose.
Though I must admit I'm not the dad I pictured in my head that I would be... I was planning on being the fun, laid back dad who coaches his kid and is totally submersed. But I quickly realized that my parenting style had to change to match Christian's personality. With his extroverted, independent nature and impulsive behavior I really had to be more strict then I planned. A lot more strict. I also realized early on that being a coach-parent would not work well for our relationship... Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a good dad, Christian is a great kid and we do a lot of fun activities, etc... It's just interesting to reflect back on what kind of dad I thought I would be versus who I've become.
Here are some pictures from when I first met Christian and after we finalized his adoption... Welcome home, Christian, life has never been the same since!!
Overall things have been going well. He has moved out of the Honeymoon phase (where he only wants to show his good side) to the testing phase where he pushes limits trying to see how much he can get away with and also testing to see if I'll let him stay with me even when he's not on his best behavior. Though he is learning fast that I am steadfast in my ways and I'm very stubborn so he will not get free roam... He's also at that age where naps are borderline --- if he takes one then he's in a better mood but has trouble sleeping at night and if he doesn't take one he's on a short fuse through the afternoon.
Today we took Christian out for lunch after school (early days on Friday) as he was having a rough week. Lloyd has had a problem of shoving too much food into his mouth at once that we're working on. He wanted to eat whole apple slices that were just too big for his tiny mouth. So I was trying to get him to take bites of the apple slice and that led to a small meltdown from Lloyd. Since we were basically done I decided we should just leave before we disrupt anyone else --- and of course that led to a much bigger meltdown --- and yes, since we were meeting Christian this is one of the days he did NOT have a nap!! Of course, as luck would have it as we're leaving we run into friends --- not exactly a good first impression :) Got Lloyd into the car and drove home (less than 10 minutes away) and by the time we got home Lloyd was out, sound asleep!
Today Lloyd moved in... He has quite a bit of stuff, some of his clothes are old and don't fit, but he has plenty that does! He also has a lot of toys, even though some of the are broken. Though he's not lacking in toys since I still have a lot of what Christian had when he was younger.
I've always pictured myself having several kids but life with Christian has been especially busy so I waited and waited...
But this past year I finally decided that I can manage more. Christian is at that age where I can drop him off at practices and events if I need to and not worry (too much) about him or the responsible coaches/etc. He is managing school well with his homework and takes an active part in helping around the house (though I must admit he should probably be doing more around the house!!). With his growing independence it opened up the opportunity to look at having another son.
Last December (2014) I decided to bite the bullet and started the fost-adopt application process with Sierra Forever Families. Several of you were references and I thank you for that!! When I adopted the first time it took roughly 10 months from application to foster certification, but this time they only needed to update my previous home study and do updated background checks so it only took 6 months! But that's just for certification...
So in June (2015) the search for a foster son started. This is the hardest past of the whole process! You work with a match coordinator and review information on available kids from the local counties (really all of Northern California - and Southern California if you want). You WANT to help them all but you also have to be realistic when bringing a foster child into your home as you don't want to cause more trauma and disruption in their lives if you don't have to. They need to match your family, your lifestyle, your picture of who you want as a kid. Then for any child you find that you think would fit your family you express your interest and hope that you are selected among all of the other families that are interested. Before being matched with Lloyd there were many other kids I considered submitting for but two of them were more memorable - one kid (3 or 4 years old) had several families interested in him but all of a sudden the foster family couldn't deal with him and over the course of a weekend an emergency transition was done into another foster home with hope for final placement. Think about that, the foster family signed up to watch over a kid this age --- what could a 3 or 4 year old do to cause this family to need them out of their house IMMEDIATELY. Sad situation. Another memorable child was actual a sibling set --- of three! It was three youngs boys (all less than 6 or 7). I've always wanted a large family and while I had indicated I would not take a sibling set this time around it really got me thinking about how much fun it would be to have this large family. It would be absolutely chaotic and crazy but the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself I COULD do it! I could manage it! And I truly think I could, but in the end I decided not to submit for them...
And then Lloyd came into the picture. When I first heard about Lloyd he was part of a sibling set with his sister but there was a chance they would split them up so I mentioned my interest. His sister and him weren't getting along and together they couldn't find them an adoptive home, but apart each one would have an immediate forever home. It took awhile for everyone to get on the same page, but finally permission was given to adopt them seperately and I'll be starting visits with Lloyd next week.
